My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
