Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
