Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
