i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
