i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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