You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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