high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize