u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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