I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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