wrigley field is MILF paradise
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize