It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
