Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i think my mom watched the whole time
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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