I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
