I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
