I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
tell me about the eggs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
