So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
