Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Can you bring me the toilet please
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
