I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
