I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
