Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
