batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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