All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is Oprah even human
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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