Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
