you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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