Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
