Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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