I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
