Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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