I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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