Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
