I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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