Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I've blown a few things in my day
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
