the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
