The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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