omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Are my feet made of real feet?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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