brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
