Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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