I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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