It's just like the Real World with babies
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What a dumb baby whore.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
