Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
