im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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