She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
