I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
