ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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