ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
