my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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