yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wish they made helmets for livers.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
