I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
