Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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