Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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