how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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