I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
