Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm just crazy horny about you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
