i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
