Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
