I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
