an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
