You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude i'm inner monologue high
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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