have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
