Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
