Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
wow bdsm is so cute
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
