question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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