I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Less talking, more tequila
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
