OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
