I think I am morally bankrupt
In America we eat man semen.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
