id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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