Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
