So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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