Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
