I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This couple is walking their pig around campus
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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