Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
