the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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