I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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