I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
