Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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