In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
