Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
