so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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