I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
