forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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