We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
