yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
