you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
