Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
