well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize