i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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