I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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