So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We're hate flirting, damnit.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
