ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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