The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize