Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
