five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
