on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
