How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my shit smells like andre
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
