Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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