How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
