Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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