I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
