Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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