If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
