You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
