Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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