You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize