Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
third nipple confirmed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
