so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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