OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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