I want to make a zoo with you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Text me some of your sweat
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
