is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Boobs speak an international language.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
