If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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