It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
